


The Colour Red

by MrSuzuya



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Female Pronouns for Grell Sutcliff, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Mentions of Suicide, Trans Grell Sutcliff, Young Grell feeling depressed while figuring out her identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 00:59:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14801316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrSuzuya/pseuds/MrSuzuya
Summary: Grell realises that she was a woman all along, and cries on her bed while thinking about how unfair life is.





	The Colour Red

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while I was feeling extremely dysphoric, so my apologies~

Grell Sutcliff realised that ‘he’ was never a he. She despised her body. She hated that she had muscular features from all those fights she got into. She never felt comfortable when someone touched her genitals while she was alive. She thought she was sick in the head, maybe that was correct after all. She had been very angry at herself for feeling this way. 

Now she felt angry towards “God” she thought was always perfect. No, he wasn’t perfect, she was a mistake. Was he a sadist, did he create her just to enjoy her misery? Maybe God wasn’t real after all, he was supposed to care about his creations. 

When Grell first realised that she was attracted to men, she was just scared for herself. She wasn’t angry at higher beings so to speak for making her this way. “Why me? Why not someone else?” she couldn’t stop herself from thinking. Liking men was already hard enough, why did she have to be stuck in a man’s body as well? 

She could feel tears rolling down her eyes. She felt weak like she couldn’t even move. She was on her bed, hair messy and cheeks wet. She didn’t have the energy to wipe them away. She was pathetic, crying about how unfair life was. The last time she did this, she thought she could end it all. But even that was a fail, wasn’t it? 

She loved the colour red, because it symbolised her blood. In the last moments she was alive, she completely covered herself with the colour red. It was like a blanket that protected her. It was freedom. When she woke up as a grim reaper, she wore that colour to symbolise her newgained freedom. She never realised how tragic that colour was to her, but it didn’t make her love it any less.

Red is the colour of passion, her passion. Her hair. Red is the colour of romance, anger. Grell symbolised the colour red herself, didn’t she?


End file.
